elisabellaa

July

2011-07-03T17:13:00.007+08:00

Half the year have gone by in the blink of an eye.

I have not always grown up to know what I want to be. I am one of those girls who have big dreams but don't really have a specific dream in mind. A doctor, a lawyer - those were the ambitions of the norm in my family. But funnily enough, none of my family members are doctors. Nor are we lawyers. Most of us, are engineers.

Five years ago, I was just finishing up A-Levels. While most of my classmates were jetting off to universities chasing their ambition, I stood still, trying still to figure out what mine is. I wanted to be successful, I wanted to be big. But I couldn't find what my passion was. So I took half a year off to hopefully figure out my dream, my ambition.

But nope. No such luck. By the end of it, I was still clueless and I didn't want to waste away time. So I took the safe route. I enrolled in chemical engineering. While that brought upon me the worst 4 years of my life, it was also the best 4 years I have ever lived.

Through those 4 years I have grown to be the person I am comfortable to be. I realise that the world is bigger than my 4 walls. I realise that I can achieve much more when I thought that I already have everything that I will ever need. And I can do anything if I just set my mind to it.

Through those 4 years I have met so many amazing people. People who I never thought I would meet. People who I never thought could be my friends. People who I never thought could love me for me. And through these people I learnt that dreams can come true. And greatness can be achieved. All it takes is determination, hard work and a little bit of luck.

So, I gave it a lot of thought, what it is I want to do with my life. And I think I am getting closer to figuring it out. Getting around to doing it and achieving it is a whole other story. But at least, now, I have a direction. :)

Resurrection

2011-07-02T01:41:00.001+08:00

I think it's time to revive this blog...for something more productive.

You don't realise that you've lost yourself

2010-09-26T01:39:00.003+08:00

until you look into a mirror and don't recognise the person looking back at you.

until you see a picture of yourself and don't see yourself in it.

until you wake up one day, and realise the reason to it everyday has changed.

until the thing you strive for everyday is not as ambitious as it used to be.

until you've given up so much of yourself that there is nothing else to give.

until you try and try but nothing changes.

until you realise, I am not me anymore.

Choices

2010-09-22T01:21:00.008+08:00

It's funny how a very small, simple and sometimes neglected decisions can change your life. Most of the things in life happen because of the decisions we make. Regardless of the outcome, we make choices. Choices based on our judgements, emotions and feelings among other things.

A year ago today, I made a decision, against my feelings and emotions, to go a large-scale event. I was tempted to avoid the massive crowd and overly eager club representatives and to just have coffee somewhere and watch the browning landscape. But against all of that, I made my way to the university Sports Centre that Autumn morning and met someone with whom I began my very own Autumn Story.

It sometimes takes very little, to change a whole lot.

Girly Gluttony

2010-09-11T22:59:00.007+08:00

The flowers to tell Perth-ians that Spring has come.

But it's too freaking cold to be Spring.

It's the weekend! And what better way to kick off the weekend than a whole day of gluttony. Morning started off with binging of dim sum with the mates in celebration of a belated birthday, followed by sipping of coffee with the same bunch while chitchatting about designer handbags, weird culture practices and the death of people who their parents have spent millions of dollars and many many years bringing them up. May they rest in peace. And when I said weird, I really meant to say eccentrically unique. Peace. Being the glutton that I am, the hunger pangs started yet again 3 hours later, and accompanied by the constant craving for sushi, my lovely neighbour and I went for some Japanese food down the road from our College. You would think that the sinful box of tori katsu with rice plus an additional serve of sashimi, my appetite would have been satisfied. How wrong are you. We then headed to one of my fave Italian eatery on the way back for some sinful Profiteroles drizzled in chocolate sauce and a serve of tiramisu. I'll be pudging up now.

Said Profiteroles. How does that not tempt you.

Image courtesy of www.williams-sonoma.com.

Today was one of those days that everything went right, dolling-up-wise. Hair was frizz-free and a delight to work with with a straightener and the make-up took less than the usual 10 minutes even with the additional steps of eyelash curlers and mascara. Okay the rest of the post will be extremely girly so be warned.

Now, as much as I love mornings, I love more to spend it lazing in bed. Which often leads to me falling back asleep and waking up to find that I only have 15 minutes to get ready until people starting calling and asking if I'm ready to go. And between the ultra-relaxed state of having two extra hours in bed, regret that I didn't get up earlier to get a head start on my work and the stress of not wanting people to end up waiting for me, I jolted and ended up with:

It was a cold-ish day out - very gloomy, the kind of days you have in the UK when the sky is all emo. I haven't worn that camel brown, velvety jacket since 2 years ago plus it was the first jacket I saw when I opened my jacket trunk but tadaaaa! I'm starting to feel more skilled in the dolling up department cuz I look less dead when I appear in public now.

I've just recently switched skincare routine (again) back to what I used 2 years back because like I said before in my other post, I want my clear skin back! =( So hopefully my judgement was right that it was the skincare routine that helped. Because there is absolutely no change to my lifestyle of sleeping the same morning I get up, eating food that will potentially give a person coronary problems and exercise that comes in the form of walking to the bathroom every 15 minutes. It takes me 3 seconds to reach the toilet bowl from my desk. So I'll see how this goes. Oh and also, I'm going back on Roaccutane cuz I think back-ne is back to haunt me. Hopefully the side-effects won't be too bad this time round since the dosage is 10mg instead of the usual 20.

After brunch I decided that pink was getting boring on my nails. Plus the colour was chipping off so I decided to give myself a mani-pedi. In a lighter shade of pink. I'm unoriginal like that.

Nail Polish by kitCosmetics.

Polish courtesy of my darling neighbour. The stain on the tip of my pinky proves that I am not pro like what a lot of you think. I'm a nooby. But me likes. My toes are the same colour but with tiny sparkly purple polka dots. I had time cuz I procrastinate. I realised that painting my nails with a light colour is not easy. It takes skill and a few coats to get it looking even. Usually takes me just one coat for a dark colour to come out nice.

Anyway, that pretty much sums up my Saturday except that I didn't mention that I have started to rewatch all 10 seasons of Friends (again) for the millionth time. I'm lame like that.

At dim sum today, before we ordered our feast, I complained that I was hungry. And a friend turned to me and said, "Yeah, I know. You have that look on your face." Whaa? Then after dessert earlier this evening while waiting for the bill, a waitress walked passed our table with two plates of hot choc fudge with both whipped and ice-cream. I was just subconsciously eyeing it when A said "No, E!" Me, "Huh? What?". She, "I know you want that cake! You have that look on your face.". The story of my life.

It's been 5 hours since my last binge. I'm hungry.

02. Ramble

2010-09-10T15:02:00.004+08:00

Winter has come and gone. Spring is drawing near. Cherry blossoms blossoming and the Sun is beaming brighter.

Friends. I've been looking back over the years at people I have been associating with. I've always thought that I make friends very easily. I still think so just that the mindset has somewhat changed as I grow up, spiritually and emotionally.

I used to be very emotionally driven. I still am but not so much anymore. I used to care very much about what people think of me and I would get upset if anyone thought of anything negative about me. So I always strive to display a personality that is 'perfect'.

Being a very tiny girl, both skinny and short, high school wasn't really a wow-er period of life for me. I was still trying to figure who I was and which clique I would fit into. Only to find out years later that I didn't fit into any. I used to have a best friend that I hung out with everyday, speak on the phone with every night, text message all day and basically do almost everything together.

We were from completely different worlds. She was from a rich family, lived in a humongous house and went for holidays overseas every holiday. But me. I come from an average middle class family, living in a double-storey terrace house and holiday-ing overseas was a luxury that only came once in a long while. Still, I was a happy kid.

Until the final few months of high school when friendships were to be forever welded and beautiful memories were to be made, my best friend and I never utter a word to each other anymore. I didn't know what went wrong where. And I still don't. But that was when I learnt that when someone you regard as your best friend refuses to speak to you, and to work out a problem with you like a true friend even when you tried, that person is not worthy of the label 'friend'. And then I realised a mistake I have been making all my life until then, that is to have one best friend, and to regard her as my only true friend.

Although I made some life-long friends, I couldn't wait to leave that place. It will always be a place that will haunt me with the falling out with my 'best friend' and the misconception of me dating a school athlete just to gain popularity. Being young and naive, I have befriended all sorts of people even when they are bad news and I trusted them and considered them my friend by putting them in my heart. So, I was glad to leave high school.

A-Levels and University years were the best parts of my life. I've learnt loads, grew up and became a better person. Being alone no longer intimidate me as much as it used to. I am perfectly okay with doing things by myself. I find that I long to have these alone time very often, not because I am anti-social but because when I am by myself, I can be myself without being judged.

I no longer care what others think about me. The only opinions that matter to me now, are those of my friends and my loved ones. Judgements of others, be it good or bad, will be filed in the spam folder of my brain index and flushed out with other crap in my system, through my bowel. Although I know electric signals of the brain and my digestive tract are not connected that way.

That being said, after years of making friends the way I do now, I'm the happiest I have been. I've gotten rid of people who brings me down and matters none to me and kept those who constantly support me and accept me for who I am, and are generally genuine. Those are the people who will go far with you in life. How far does popularity bring you? It WILL die away. How long can beauty last? It is only skin deep. And it is only a matter of time that people penetrate the outer layers and see you for who you really are. And of course, at the end of the day, deep down in each and everyone of us, we know who we really are and what we truly deserve. And when karma kicks in, you want to be at the receiving end of the good.

Vanity & ADD

2010-09-08T21:52:00.005+08:00

I want my flawless skin back! Okay not flawless but there was a period of time a couple of years back when I had the most amazing skin. best ever in my whole 22 years, 10 months, 2 weeks and 4 days of my life.

Early 2009. See. Wearing only eyeliner and lipbalm.

Now I have spots and bumps here and there. Le sigh. Education really totally ruined my skin.

On a very different note, I have lately realised that I have a very short attention span. Actually, I've realised this a long time ago just that I never really paid much attention to how short they were. Until recently, I got scolded by my own boyfriend for not listening to him when he's talking to me wtf. Okay he didn't scold me but he was pretty annoyed. He said that every time we are having a conversation be it at dinner time or when we're having wine at the quad or dancing at the club or just lying down by the bay, every time he talks to me, I would be looking at him while he talks, and 5 seconds later (while he is still talking) my eyes wander somewhere else.

In my defence, I WAS LISTENING!

I get distracted so easily that it prompted my thesis supervisor to ask me if I'm listening during many of my meetings. I am pretty sure that that will go into my thesis evaluation. FML. But eventhough I look like I am spacing out, I am actually hearing what people are saying. Most of the time I am actually listening, but other times, I'm just hearing muffled voices going on and on about stuff. But to things and people that matter, I LISTEN!!

Even when I'm talking to people or telling a story, in the midst of I will definitely go off track of what I actually wanted to say. I can, for example, talk about my braiding my hair. And all of a sudden while still talking about braiding my hair, I will blurt out something totally random like milk and butter toast. Yes it's very random and totally unrelated but it's habitual and I can't help it!

It's starting to annoy myself cuz now I can't do my work long enough to finish typing a paragraph before clicking on the "New Tab" button and go to YouTube where I will indulge in one video after another.

And you know it's bad when your own habits starts to annoy yourself -__- Help?

On a more embarrassing note, I don't know if this is related to my case of ADD, I was going to make myself some instant milk tea, you know the 3-in-1 kinds that you get in packets where you just pour hot water and voila, lim teh! Yeah, so I emptied two packets into a mug, because two is better than one, and went on to Facebook while I wait for the water to boil. And well, the water boiled and twenty minutes later, I took my mug and drank out of it. You know what happened? Instant milk tea powder, all over my face. Needless to say, I had to open a third and fourth packet and boil the water again. I'll let you guess if it happened for the second time.

Ramble

2010-09-04T14:57:00.002+08:00

I almost forgot how nice it feels being outdoors. I spend so much time cooped up in the comfort of my room forgetting a world of fresh air, green lawns and chirping birds. Damn I sound like a greeny there. But really. It's so peaceful to be outdoors.

I came here this morning. Here being the outside of Reid Cafe. Can a person feel peaceful and stressed at the same time?

I realised that I'm a person with very narrow views in life. Literally. I sat down with my coffee and muffin and switched on my laptop to find that I only had an hour left on my battery. So with no nearby plugs in sight, I moved to another location nearby where there are electricity outlets. Yay. Plus, empty area = peace and quiet.

Turns out the place is empty for a reason. There's bird poo everywhere. On the tables, the chairs, the floors, you name it, poo's all over it. So, I moved elsewhere nearer to my original spot only to find that there was an outlet right above where I was sitting initially. So I uprooted again, bag and laptop clad to my original seat and happily took out my adapter and cable. Only to find the the outlet is so high above that the cable to the adapter wasn't long enough. FML.

Honestly. It takes me forever to settle down and to start doing my work all the time. Which reminds me why I hardly leave my room to do my work elsewhere. So just to save time, I prefer staying in.

Is this the most random thing or what?

Little joys =)

2010-09-04T02:48:00.006+08:00

The perfect month to be playing/humming/get the song stuck in your head/putting it on repeat - Wake Me Up When September Ends. Okay that sentence did not flow at all there. And at the end of the 6th teaching week at uni, with courseworks, assignments, projects and thesis piling up to my nose, this is the perfect time to go berserk.

Instead, here are a few things that made me smile...

#1 Beef Jerky. Me loves. Sinful dried meat with a thick coat of oil that I only allow myself to excessively enjoy during CNY. There's just something about me and beef. But I don't like all beef. I love steak. I love the slices of beef in bibimbaps. I do not love stir-fried beed. I love beef lasagne. It's 3am. Coherency shall not be expected.

#2 The wonders of a hairstraightener. I can't believe I used to spend so much time taming my hair but nowadays it takes me 5minutes max to do my hair in the mornings.

#3 Two things I love on a Sunday. Freshly painted nails after brunch and a BlackBerry to keep me on track with the online world while lazing in bed in the morning. Email, facebook, MSN, bbm and WhatsApp. What more do I need?

#4 A good bedside book to read before going to bed in hopes that I will land in Europe in one of my dreams. This shows how much in love I am with Prague. I bought this one day when I was browsing at the Uni bookstore while waiting for a girly friend. Sat under the Winter sun and flipped page after page and falling in love with it.

#5 PACKAGES!! 'Nuff said.

With all these, I need 892 faces to finish all the products by the end of the semester. But thanks anyway, S. Love you loads =)

#6 Cherry Blossoms that greets me good morning in Spring.

Nature's way of saying there's beauty in every day.

Just gotta keep your chin up and look ahead.

#7 Next to effortless make up for a fabulous Friday night out.

#8 Love and joy you find in a bag of chips =D

Pardon the weird hair and messy bed.

#9 Spending "24-7" with my beloved while he is thousands of miles away. 48 hours of Skype! Continuously. It went on till 54 hours but I had to end the call eventually to bring my laptop to the lab.

Good night and good morning. <3

Such is life

2010-08-30T12:03:00.002+08:00

What does it mean when one no longer have the drive to go for classes anymore. Nowadays I am contented with staying in my room, handing in assignments as the deadlines approach, the occasional chattering with neighbours and friends, and just having YouTube as my company from day to day. I'm not depressed and please don't feel sorry for me because comparatively, I'm living the life. Because honestly, I am contented. I am happy. I don't feel like I need anything else.

As life has it now, I have a family who supports me regardless, a boyfriend who, regardless the distance, the fights and the emotional turmoil I put him through, loves me dearly still, I always have friends to talk to when I want or need one to talk to.

It's almost the end of my undergraduate degree. Within 4 years I have done so much more than I would have ever imagined. I've seen places I never thought I would until the later years of my life. I've fallen in love in the most unexpected place with the most unsuspecting person. I've eaten cuisines some people would never have the chance to. I've met people during my travels that completely changed my thoughts about Europe, only to make me love it more. I didn't want to leave the UK. But I had to. And then I realised, for my entire life, I have been spending it doing things I had to do.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just settling. Sometimes I feel that it's pathetic. Like to be happy with life as it is is not good enough for a person with capabilities like me. Again, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that I am super capable but I am very certain that if I want to, I can make a very good living out of life itself. If I want to.

Other times, I feel, what's wrong with settling. What's the point of sowing and reaping and bending backwards all your life to have the ultimate life when you can just settle for an average life and enjoy it as you go along.

I don't even know if I'm making sense. But the gist of it is, I am not torn between, just settling for a an average comfortable life, or work damn freaking hard for a rich life.

It's nice to have pretty things and to be able to afford anything and everything you want. To be honest, I want to be able to give my kids what they want (without spoiling them of course), what they deserve and occasionally, more than what they deserve. I've never really had a luxurious lifestyle. I've never been overly pampered, I've never been showered with gifts. I silently envy friends who get presents for doing well at school or just for being a good kid. The last time I received a real present from my parents was during Christmas, when I was 8 or 9. Yes, more than 10 years ago.

Again, don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the childhood upbringing I had cuz it made me who I am today. But What makes me wonder is, where has all my fire gone? I used to want to achieve greatness so much. In high school I volunteer for work to be piled on to me for I wanted to excel and be recognised which is why most of my teachers, even from primary school still remember me after all these years.

So why do I choose now to want to give up, and just settle and to depend on someone to take care of me even when I know deep down, that at the end of the day, the only person I can depend on, is myself.

Conclusion - there's no fight left in me.

Untitled

2010-08-26T02:19:00.002+08:00

It's been months. First post since I arrived Perth.

First month was understandable for I was busy with the presence of a very important guest. Who eventually left and gave me numerous inspirations to fill my blog with emo posts. But I refrained.

Each day passes with minimal productivity towards milestones that determines my ability to obtain honours. But somehow, I can't get motivated.

Could it be? My passion is growing bleak?

Could it be? I'm set for a different future than I had planned?

Could it be? I no longer strive to achieve the best?

A yes to whichever above would mean that I have failed my parents, my teachers and most of all, myself.

But to be honest, I just want to be reach the end of the tunnel in one piece.

August is ending. Spring is coming.

What do you say

2010-07-15T11:46:00.002+08:00

when you do something nice for someone and their respond to it is "I never asked you to do it. So don't do it if it's so troubling" like waiting to hear from someone until wee hours in the morning even when you have to wake up early the next day cuz all you wanted was to hear how their day went, what they ate and if they've taken their daily crap and how many times they peed or if the hair on their head has grown much since we last saw each other.

Well I guess you don't say anything.

I'm not one to take things for granted. Unanswered texts makes me worried not for fear of disloyalty but for fear that something might have happened. I for one knows that things happen when you least expect it. So is it wrong that I am a little paranoid?

4 days to Perth.

Sigh.

WC is over

2010-07-12T05:45:00.002+08:00

Spain won! Despite the stupid octopus -__-

Now there are other things to look forward to.

11 days (:

Dubs dubs dubs dubs

2010-07-11T09:43:00.002+08:00

I had a great night dubs-dubs-ing with ma besties. Started off with a huge platter of steak [small steak, huge serving of curly fries. not that I'm complaining] at 8pm in the bar/club/pub itself cuz we couldn't reserve a table for the night and with it being a Saturday night, the crowd will be, as usual, jam packed.

True enough, by 10pm the only dancing anyone could do was jump up and down -.- And I'm still partially deaf from sitting by the stage where the band was playing. And still very amused at how unsubtle alcohol infused guys could get.

I'm not hungover despite the amount of alcohol that would usually throw me over after a sleepless night. But I couldn't devour the Maggi Goreng that I was craving for and M had to finish it for me ): No fear! Maggi Goreng we will meet again!

One thing I dislike about clubbing in KK or Malaysia in general is that I always reach home with my hair and clothes soaked with cigarette stench. Yuck. I honestly hope there are no embarrassing pictures from last night.

One more week at home. Gee. Time flies.

I'm still afloat

2010-07-10T02:52:00.002+08:00

I don't know if I should applaud UWA's efficiency in releasing the results at 12am sharp or frown at the inability of the network to cope with the number of people checking in at 12 sharp that the network got so jammed up even after 2 hours.

Anyway. I'm still on my little boat with patched up holes paddling my way to be an engineer. I'm hoping that sends the message that I did not fail. Well, not yet at least. Sorry for the pessimism and the drama. Actually I take it back. One need not apologize for one's method of self preservation. Hence the negativity. Like me being overly worried and dramatic thinking I failed something. In my defence, I am, each time, genuinely worried! But as it turns out, I would still pass each time. Relief is better than disappointment, you see. I still work hard and strive for the best the best results but I still expect the worst outcome possible to avoid disappointment - my least favourite emotion.

So the sun will come out again tomorrow. I await the dinner that J owes me and I look forward to the morning I have to buy L his Eggs Benny. 9 days to Perth.

P.S.: I miss you.

Hyperventilating

2010-07-09T20:47:00.002+08:00

Stupid boyfriend abandoned me in the midst of our conversation AGAIN -__-

Results are getting released tomorrow.

TBH, I'm scared shitless. I swear that if I fail anything *knocks wood* I will NOT be an engineer. I'll open a stall selling fruits or something. I kid. If I DO fail *knocks wood* I shall pursue the plans I have been secretly making with my BFF. Actually, I might still do it anyway. But it would involve me getting smacked in the head by my parents first. Why is life so hard. Gee.

I went shopping today. Spent surprisingly little and shockingly managed to walk away from a dress I feel so attached to upon the first touch T__T If I get dreams about this dress, I will go back and get it. If it was meant to be, it will still be there. Waiting for me.

OMG OMG OMG I've NEVER been this worried about my results. I'm always almost certain that I will pass. OMG OMG OMG Nottingham really spoiled me. Why can't UWA be as slack as UNotts. GAH!

*continues to hyperventilate*

A Lightbulb Moment

2010-07-08T22:07:00.003+08:00

I think my blog is feeling rather unloved and it's been calling out to me. I just answered a call from nature so I thought I might as well answer this one too. Wasn't trying to be funny.

I had a slight surge of motivation today and actually plugged my work USB into the computer with the big-ass monitor to try and get some work done. The contents were a calamity so I spent quite awhile re-organizing the mess. So by the time everything was neat and tidy and I opened the file to start my work, *POP* there goes the electricity -___- So I thought, "Maybe I should go for a run". I was hyped up in my running gear putting on my goes and then... *CRACK* thunder and it started to rain. -______________- Talk about pouring cold water.

So there it goes. My motivation. Washed out by the Thursday afternoon rain. Along with Germany's chance to win the World Cup. Haiya. I should just sit cross-legged and meditate.

Three days ago, I arrived home from my 10-day trip in Brunei. It felt like a really long trip but at the same time it felt like it wasn't enough. I was pretty blue the first couple of days after my trip but I masked it up pretty well. Cuz I suddenly woke up alone in my room with nothing special to look forward to. Then suddenly I had a sudden realisation. Sort of like how the an apple dropped on Issac Newton's head and he discovered gravity. But mine was genius is no way like that. Except that I was sitting on the floor and an eyeliner dropped right in front of me. Ok never mind.

Anyway I realised that it was silly for me to be so blue and so sad. The only thing con of the relationship I am in now is the distance and so far it has caused no trust issue whatsoever. If anything, I think it made us want to be with each other more. I read this article in CLEO today about how a little LDR is good in every relationship. I was half tempted to write in to ask if A LOT of LDR is good in a relationship. Cuz the way I see it, I am in a MAJOR LDR. For one thing, we don't go to the same uni. And neither of our uni is in the same country, nor the same continent, nor the same time-zone altogether. Number two, we don't live in the same stupid city nor town nor country. Number three, our holidays coincide for only a month each time and it takes more than 24 hours to travel from where I go to uni to where he goes to uni. [I'm starting to think that we were crazy for even thinking that it would work] Number four, altho we are studying the same course, we are looking at totally different career industries which means if we both want to make it, it would be in different cities. So on every front, it looks as though we will be in a LDR forever. It sounds so appealing that I'm on the verge of hyperventilating like a child in a candy store at Disneyland. [I joke]

I do admit that there are times when I was very doubtful and slapped myself for putting myself from one heartache to another and seriously considered calling it off - especially during the period where we had an endless string of fights and arguments. And then he would call me on the phone and hearing his voice makes all doubts go away. [It sounds cliche but it is what it is]

And so far so good.

If you ask me whether I would have done anything differently. No.

I am glad I chose to walkaway from a relationship that made me self-destructive and move on to one where although the future looks blurry, but not to the very least bleak. So why sulk when I have met the person who I love and loves me back and manages to put a smile on my face on the gloomiest days. And puts up with my temper so short that its a dot. And that's that.

So no amount of negativity will ever make me doubt myself again. If you are my friend you will support me through this. Even if you think it's a bad idea and I will kick myself silly next time for not listening to you, be a friend. If you can't then just keep your negativities to yourself.

We made it this far. Even when many had little faith in us.

Truth-oh-so-Inconvenient

2010-06-09T23:24:00.003+08:00

"The Era of Procrastination, of Half-Measures, of Soothing and Baffling Expedients, of Delays is Coming to its Close.

In its Place We are Entering a Period of Consequences." (Churchill, 1936)

2010-06-03T09:03:00.004+08:00

I'm not going to wait forever.

I'm at my breaking point.

counting days.

2010-05-26T23:49:00.003+08:00

Halfway through the final week of uni and I'm 50% done with my section for Friday submission and 2 more hours of classes then goodbye Semester1 2010!

21 days till I go home and 31 days till I get to see my baby again.

It's 12am and I've already lost my motivation to work. MOTIVATE ME, please!

OH! And I found out at dinner today that I am obese. And they gave me a teeny tiny doughnut for it. And the non-obese people don't get any (: By far the best college dinner ever!

twenty-fourth of may, twenty ten.

2010-05-24T16:36:00.004+08:00

Week 13.

Four days till semester 1 is over.

One more presentation.

One more submission.

Two more papers.

Then I'm going home.

And ten days later, I'll be in paradise.

Happy 7th month anniversary, baby.

For all the tears and all the laughter,

For all the pounds and dollars spent on calls,

For all the nights, we spent on Skype,

For all those months we spent together,

For all the heartache of being apart from each other,

For this journey we've embarked upon together,

My heart is and always will be yours to keep.

You have showered me with love, and nothing less.

And to say that I love you, is an understatement.

Can I please have a detachable heart?

2010-05-24T01:28:00.003+08:00

Being misunderstood = story of my life.

Nothing hurts more than being judged. No that's not true. Disappointment hurts more.

But it still hurts.

An understatement of how I feel right here, right now.

Can I have a detachable heart? Please?

Pointlessness that is a Friday arvo

2010-05-07T15:21:00.002+08:00

4.33pm, 7th May 2010.

I am in the Science Library doing everything else possible on me laptop other than Design of studying for Particle Tech's ginormous test both due next week.

OK I lied. I have all the Excel spreadsheets opened, together with all the pdf books and online pages. I have made tons of progress and I'm down to the last equipment to design.

I wish.

I have Skype opened with my boyfriend on the other end and he is being such a douche by trying to make me LOL. Which I did resulting in the bald librarian coming up to me and giving me an earfull, causing a scene which made everyone's dull Friday afternoon.

I lied again. OK here's the truth. I am in the science library making very slow progress with my Design stuff. I did a little bit of iLecture for my ParTech test and then rewarded my measly accomplishment with an outdated episode of How I Met Your Mother. And I did all of those while Skyping with my Desmond. And no I didn't get yelled at by the librarian but I think the couple sitting opposite me think I'm crazy cuz I smiled at my laptop a lot. Sigh.

This is a pointless post and you have just wasted some 3 minutes reading this. Though I hope my pointlessness have brightened your dull Friday arvo by at least a one nanometer in wavelength. That sentence didn't even make sense.

And once again, Desmond, monkeys can has bananas. If you don't get it by now, I seriously don't know what to say.

Have a good weekend people. I already know mine will be in the beautiful sun, under a roof surrounded by 4 walls and glass windows and air-conditioning. This is the life.

2010-04-26T00:22:00.002+08:00

Woohoo less than 2 more months and I'm out of here!

I've never been more excited to go home before. It's usually a mixed emotion half wanting to stay on in Perth and half wanting to be back with my family. But not this time. This time I am 100% for going home. No second thoughts, no reservations.

Ok fine maybe not 100% excited to go home. Quite excited for my 1-week trip to somewhere this winter break (:

2010-02-28T03:40:00.001+08:00

i said i would stop waiting.

so wtf am i still doing it.

2010-02-18T02:54:00.001+08:00

It's been a week. Now it's time to go.

Haih why does time fly?

i am home

2010-02-12T02:54:00.002+08:00

After more than 20hours of travelling and waiting.

I'm a day closer to seeing you again (:

Back on this side of the world

2010-02-11T13:26:00.006+08:00

Yet ends another phase of my life. Though the end of something usually marks the beginning of another, for me, this time, instead of beginning, I'm just resuming. Going back to my life in Perth which will indeed be so different from the one I lived until 8 months ago.

Eurotrip is done and dusted. UK is now just a memory. One that will remain with me for the rest of my life. It will forever be an important part of my growing up. I found friendship, I found love. I grew up. I learnt. I laughed. I cried. 17 hours ago, I was in the comfort of a pair or arms that I won't get to feel until months later. 17 hours ago, I was in minus zero degree weather where snow bade me farewell as my plane took off from Heathrow, possibly for the last time.

I felt a pinch as I walked through the security gate, taking a quick glance over my shoulder to the person I kissed goodbye until I saw him no more.

I went through security check with no hiccups. Everything was a blurr. I felt like I was floating. But I was so distracted that I walked away leaving my clear bag of liquids containing my Bare Minerals moisturiser, Benefit eyeliner and a small bottle of D&G perfume. FML.

I reached the gate completely forgetting that I needed to pee desperately. Haiz. So I sat there cross-legged, silently begging for the flight to board. Luckily enough, I boarded the plane after 2 minutes and relieved myself in the lavatory. That was 8minutes of me not thinking about missing my Desmond. So pathetic. Lol.

I sit here in this dull Brunei airport with the internet constantly disconnecting thinking how Bruneians live with this kind of shitty internet. Ok that's not what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about London. Hyde Park. 64CR. Broadgate. Lakeside Walk. Oceana. Brunei Hall. Winter Wonderland. Dublin. Starbucks. Petit Paris. Madrid. C19. The Princess and the Frog. Avenue Q. Stomp. Jagerbomb. Croissants and hot chocolate. The cashmere scarf around my neck. The Blackberry in my handbag. And the photos in my camera that I haven't had the courage to see.

Perhaps it will get easier.

Tomorrow. It will be easier.

Post exam

2010-01-29T17:25:00.002+08:00

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Exams are over and it feels so good!! Not reli actually cuz I have a million things to do and not a lot of time to do it. How are you supposed to pack up the whole 5 months of your life into a measly 20kg and bring it home with you and then bring it with you again back to Australia? By you I mean me.

I've managed to close one eye give away some stuff and close the other eye throw away some T_T Heart pain. But I guess one's gotta do what one's gotta do.

How did I end up with so much crap for just 5 months here T_____T

Anyhoos. Went to Stonehenge and Bath last week. Pictures next time. At least the non-Paris post-exam holiday didn't go to waste. I hope my super ultra basic French does not wear away with my brain otherwise I will just kill myself really *dramatic.

Heading to Budapest today! Eurotrip go go go! Please pray that the weather will treat me nicely. Don't wana get stranded by a snowstorm. Choi choi choi.

Wish me luck :)

2010-01-12T05:16:00.001+08:00

Stupid Evan vandalise my blog.

Jan 11th 9pm. Less than 2 days till my first paper.

And guess what. It's the only module that I have yet to touch.

Can anyone say "gee gee"?

I can.

2010-01-11T01:56:00.001+08:00

Evan is awesome! Muaks....

Much belated post.

2010-01-10T23:51:00.005+08:00

Happy 2010!

Much belated but you know what they say, better late than never.

Its been a crazy few weeks. Lots of travelling, lots of moving around, lots of late nights and unhealthy food. And believe it of not, it is 3 days till the day I have to sit for my first paper for the first time in Nottingham, for the first time in the UK, in the obnoxiously cold weather where my fingers feel like they will voluntarily drop off at any given time without me noticing it.

I am not to the very least panicking YET. But I am starting to feel a little tingle of worry in the pit of my stomach. Panic attack is going to just sneak up on me very soon. I can feel it coming.

On a more cheery note, at the risk of sounding like the most sakai person ever to live, I've experienced SNOW! Ok fine, so it's not the first time I've seen snow but Korea doesn't count. Cuz that time in Korea, my brother and I couldn't make a snowman because the snow was too powdery and it didn't snow while we were there so we only had those that were already on the mountains to play with.

The snow is so pretty. White freckles floating down from the sky. When I stare out my window as it snows, it feels like everything went on slow motion. And the next morning I woke up to a white blanket of snow outside my window. So pretty.

I was waiting for the bus across the road from uni earlier today and for the first time in a long time, I felt so much at peace. The frozen lake and snow covered hills and rooftops. For a moment I felt like time froze. hen the bus came and I fell back to reality with a thud.

Our tracks in the snow.

And for the record, walking on ice is so not fun. Especially when u're in a hurry. And especially if balancing isn't your forte. Like say, moi.

Grass on OJ's head - not my idea.

Three days ago, Des and I made our very first snowman together. We named it OJ for very obvious reasons. Well, obvious to us. Then that little bugger sneaked up behind me and crushed a snowball on my head. Five times. The top of my head has never felt so cold. And for the rest of the night, we just threw snow balls at each other, made snow angels and wrote in the snow. :)

Just before he smashed another gigantic snowball on me.

I was having so much fun that I totally forgot I was wearing a white cotton jacket so I got mud all over it when I lied down in the snow to make my snow angel. Which the next morning got run over by a car. Sad. But OJ is safe and sound and he still sits on the wooden table on the lawn outside my block. I see it everytime I look out my window.

It's been four days. It snowed this morning. But the snow is melting. No more white blanket outside my window. Only wet, soggy grass and icey patches here and there.

OJ has a friend now. A fellow snowperson. Cuz it seems a little sexist to call it a snowMAN.

desserts backwards

2009-12-19T11:53:00.004+08:00

I am up to my nose in stress.

I did a walk down memory lane, financially, and realised, I spent shitloads since I came to Notts. SHITLOADS. Overwhelmed by guilt, I am determined to survive on minimal expenses for the rest of my stay here. I. Am. Determined. I. Can. Do. It. T__________T

London tomorrow. Or rather, later.

Dublin on Monday.

Scotland for New Years?

Nobuko, can I work every night for the rest of the year?

Ignorance is bliss

2009-12-10T22:36:00.003+08:00

Really?

I guess it's half true.

But you know how you'd rather not know some stuff but when you suddenly find out about it it totally destroys you but somehow you'd still rather know?

Yeah. Someone pressed the self-destruct button on me way back when and it is now irreversible.

Or maybe I'm just not cut out for this.

2009-12-09T08:27:00.001+08:00

For the first time in 3 years,

I'm terribly homesick.

2009-12-07T08:46:00.002+08:00

I don't know why i keep making life difficult for myself. It's like the road isn't bumpy enough without the additional potholes and detours.

I'm missing you.

Manchester!!

2009-11-21T11:11:00.002+08:00

In 6 hours 30 minutes...

DIM SUM here I come.

Are you trully happy?

2009-11-20T10:44:00.003+08:00

Even with all that is certain to happen?

HomePerthNott

2009-11-19T02:01:00.008+08:00

Such a gloomy day today. Surprisingly, I managed to wake up n go for my 9am class EARLY. LOL I've been late for a lot of classes lately. I blame Desmond.

There was a Study Abroad Fair at Portland Atrium today. And I volunteered. Why oh why? Oh because when I signed up for this exchange programme, I agreed to be an ambassador for UWA anytime asked. Anytime such as this. NO it was not an excuse to be able to skip class. Altho, for the fair, I skipped Interfacial Chem and 2 hours of French.

Today I realise that UWA is actually a really great place to study. Just that I've never tried to really appreciate it. The architechture is beautiful and u don't feel as though u're gonna spend half your life walking to class.

Coming to the UK, I've learnt to appreciate Perth so much more. People in Perth are so much more friendly. The weather is so much more cheery. SUN SUN SUN! I prolly said this a million times but I really miss the beach!! My skin is so pale now that I'm in dire need of some tan.

We've had all sorts of people coming up to us at the UWA/UoAdelaide/ANU booth asking which uni do we recommend. To which we unanimously say UWA. Obviously. They ask us about life in Australia, the weather, the people. To which we genuinely had very good things to say about. After talking to one of the students about Perth, I just sat quitely in my seat for awhile. I realised that I've just described Perth as though it was home. And not just my home away from home.

Then I went and meet up with my boyfriend after the fair and I realise, it's not where home is.

It's who. :)

I feel so at home at 64CR. They all feel like family to me now. Also those at Elms Flat 59. Who I'm sure will start grilling me for not being around. I wish I could be in two places at once.

Well. Maybe three.

Pre-nostalgia

2009-11-18T06:28:00.005+08:00

I just had a 30% midsem today. 125 MCQ questions. 9 weeks worth of notes crammed in 1 day. I guess it didnt go too bad considering the last minute swot.

I just realised how pressed for time I really am. Already, it's mid November. So little time left in this place I'm growing so fond of. So fond that I sometimes forget that in 3 months time, I am going to leave this place for good. And never come back. I have to conciously remind myself not to get too close to anything or anyone but it's too late for that now. I'm already so attached.

The trees outside my room window in Broadgate Park is almost all bald. I remember looking out the window every morning and see those big leafy trees. They always make me smile. They make me feel so much at peace. Then day by day, the wind blows and leaves rustle off its twigs and branches.

I'm in love with Autumn in Nottingham. It's so beautiful.

Oddly it doesn't seem like it was just yesterday I arrived at London Heathrow, luggage clad, eager and excited. I feel so accepted here it's as though I've been around for awhile. I feel like i belong. I feel like I have a reason to stay. But yet, it has never been an option.

3 more months.
I can already see myself strolling Matilda Bay, sunbathing at Scarborough.
Only thing is, I'm not exactly excited about it.

Sunday in Autumn

2009-11-15T20:26:00.007+08:00

This was supposed to be posted up on Sunday but I didn't and I don't know why. But it's Tuesday now but here it is anyway:

Sunday afternoon i'm lazing in bed. Don't feel like getting up, don't feel like going anywhere.

I seriously feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I feel so much better now. And what's left to do is to wait and see.

***

I cooked curry laksa for 10 people last night. With help of course. It wasn't as good as the first time I made it but considering the bulk amount, I still call it a success. I just hope I'm the only one who got a sore throat from it. We've had so much good food in this house in the past 1 week. Everyday of the week we've had orgasmic dinners. Except on Friday night for me when I was out shivering in the rain trying to get to the arena to catch Disney on Ice with Stella. When we got there, we felt quite out of place cuz all around were little girls in princess dresses. I felt out of places cuz I wanted to put on a princess dress myself ;)

The show was spectacular. But being Friday the 13th, there were minimal pictures taken. The reason being - I charged my camera but forgot to bring it. Stella brought her camera but she forgot to charge it. FOL - fuck our lives. LOL - laugh out loud. wtf. AND! Two main skaters fell during the show. TWO! But it was still really good.

I really enjoyed myself. I felt like a kid again. I almost cried during the Little Mermaid bit cuz it reminded me so much of when I was little and stayed home sick. My mum wud tuck me onto the couch with my favourite pillow and blanket and I'd watch the Little Mermaid on tele while sipping OJ. Le sigh. Why do we have to grow up?

The housemates, LL, S and I walked all the way to Showcase Cinema to catch the apparently EPIC movie - 2012. But the residual of Friday the 13th can't help but lash its tail on us. The tickets were sold out for 930pm. And the next show was at 11pm. Not wanting to wait around that long and just leave after walking ALL THE WAY there altho it was only a 15 mins walk (wtf) we all agreed to watch Men Who Stared At Goats.

WRONG MOVE. BAD DECISION. EPIC PHAIL!

The title itself shud have screamed 'DON'T DO IT!!' But at first I thought, 'Its George Clooney! It cant be that bad'. I have never made such a bad decision in my life. Okay i exaggerate. But it that was 2 hours of my life wasted in the seat in that cinema.

But the DimSum I'm going to have this afternoon will make up for all of that.

Desserts backwards

2009-11-13T05:41:00.003+08:00

STRESSED

Why do I always feel like I'm pressed for time. I don't know where my time flies to but at the end of the day, i usually feel like i could have done so much more with my day but I just didn't.

i. am. stressed.

I don't know how. I don't know why. I just am.

STRESSED

Tis a food fest

2009-11-12T12:10:00.004+08:00

It's 4:10 am.

I am turning nocturnal again.

Today (Wednesday), I had,

* cereal and milk for breakfast
* big burger, fries, salad and a lemonade for lunch
* toasted crumpets with nutella and milk for tea
* a packet of strawberry Pocky for snack
* half a Babyback Rib, 8 chicken wings and 2 glasses of beer for dinner at Hooters
* Gu for dessert
* 3 glasses of Semillon Sauvignon Blanc
* 2 bowls of mushroom soup and 4 pieces of toast shared with the boyfriend
* another packet of strawberry Pocky

And now I'm sipping a hot cup of green tea to make myself feel a little healthier a day of gluttony.

I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm stressed, I eat when I'm sad. I'm on my way to obesity. What more with my current obsession for Ben & Jerry's Half Baked and Cookie Dough and Sainsbury's 2 for 1 offer. And a boyfriend who eats as much as I do. Life is good.

But now, I'm craving for a Rise & Shine muffin and Signature Hot Chocolate.

Glutton is me.

I am totally smitten.

2009-11-10T23:57:00.006+08:00

For the arms that wraps around me so tight it weakens my knees.

For the eyes that looks mine and makes my heart skip a beat.

For the hands that links with mine just right.

For the lips that softly presses against my cheeks each time we greet.

For the heart filled with so much care and kindness that I wonder if it's really mine to have.

For him who does all those wonderful things that make me smile.

And for being at the right place, at the right time.

I am totally smitten.

2009-11-05T20:25:00.000+08:00

An apology goes a long way. Even if you're not in the wrong.

Hallo

2009-10-30T07:20:00.004+08:00

I've just been called a dwarf and a midget. T_T Well, a special dwarf if that makes me feel better. T_T

I've always disliked Starbucks. The only time i ever go to Starbucks is when other people wants to go there. But I'm growing to like Starbucks since the first time I went to a Starbucks here in Nottingham. It's now my go to place. A place i go to to sit alone with a muffin and a tall cuppa and people watch. I'm antisocial like that. But lemme tell u, u haven't lived life if u haven't sat in a cafe with noone else but urself. It's utterly refreshing.

It's Halloween this saturday and there's a party!! Well there was two but i passed the first one so i'm going for the one on Saturday and i'm going as I DON'T KNOW WHAT! I went to the city to shop for costumes but ended up spending money on a muffin, mocha, two dresses totally not meant for Halloween and a stuffed toy [:)]

Oh and i bought black feather boas. Just because. Bah i'll come up with something. Worse comes to worse i'll just put a paper bag over my head n go as EMO.

I was at my boyfriend's place earlier this evening and there were trick-or-treaters going around. It was the cutest thing! They caught us by surprise and obviously there were no candies arnd the hse so they ended up getting packets of Oreos! HAHA!

Am I too old to trick-or-treat? lol

I've just booked return ticket to London online. For two :)

Matlab sucks

2009-10-23T17:08:00.003+08:00

Matlab sucks.

I have a test in 4 hours and I am zilch prepared.

Coughed all night in my sleep it felt like my lungs were about to jump out of my chest.

Slept 4 hours and woke up to a massive headache like a hangover from hell.

Not a good start to a day.

I can kiss that 20% goodbye.

Matlab sucks.

What's left

2009-10-22T23:39:00.004+08:00

I sat at my computer clicking on picture after picture, thinking of happy times way back when. With eyes welling up and Sweet Escape playing in the background, I see the faces of what we once were. What we all once were. Young. Untainted.

There was a knock. I wiped my tears and opened the door.

There you stood.

Flowers in one hand, a shopping bag stuffed with my favourite chips in the other like u always do when I'm need of some cheer. Only this time, it's different.

This is what we left behind. A half eaten piece of pie and unfinished coffee we never really liked.

Last night you knocked on my door. There you stood. Flowers in your hands, with the look in your eyes that tells me it's okay.

Hence, i'm letting go.

UPDATE!

2009-10-22T21:08:00.003+08:00

I know my blog is in major need of some pictures. But atm i just cant be bothered uploading from my camera so words will just have to do until i am bothered to remove the SD card from my camera. Which is tonight. Hopefully.

U're demanding updates so updates i shall give.

I've been sick for almost 3 weeks. And i'm still sick. Will still be sick by the end of the week and i'm almost certain i am going to stay sick forever. Flu is in love with me. Tho the fever is gone, I'm still trying to chase down my nose (geddit geddit??) and coughing into the night like my life depends on it. Actually it does. My mum's all worried that i'll get pneumonia which i hope won't be true cuz if i'm gonna die, i don't wana die of pneumonia -.-

Uni's been a bitch. When has it never been. It's the same everywhere. U go to uni all excited on the first day then 2 weeks later, work piles up, u swear at the fact that u're paying to get this much workload and complaining that there's just not enuff time in the day to get everything done. When all I do all day is go on Facebook and watch Confessions of a Shopaholic for the gazillionth time. Yeah yeah i love to watch re-runs so kill me.

So nothing is new at uni. Assignments come, I shove them aside. Two days before the due date, I panic and all hell breaks loose. I kid. I'm not that irresponsible. Albeit being the best procrastinator there ever was, I try not to leave it to the last moment. Learnt my lesson the hard way wtf

There's a test tomorrow that i have yet to study for and look where i am. Why does this always happen to me? At the most critical time, I'm most calm and I find myself doing the most unimportant things. Like last week, I had a chemistry coursework due and the night before, I did my laundry, vacuumed my room and cooked enuff food to last me a week. -____-

But aiya who cares as long as i'm happy right? lol

Did i tell you that i think October is awesome? It's like the best month of the year! It's like Christmas in October! So much has happened this month I doubt i'll ever be able to get over it. And neither will i bore you with the details but u just have to trust me that October is awesome and people who are born in the month of October is awesome. It's my favourite month now and it should be yours too ;)

On a separate but still awesome note, I had one of the sweetest birthday ever :) Reminds me so much of my birthdays in Perth. All involved midnight surprises with cakes n pressies, intimate dinner with friends, and of course, DRINKS.

To be honest, I wasn't expecting any huge celebration cuz I've only been in town less than a cople of months and hardly knew anyone well. But what i got was so much more :) I love the cakes and the pressies. Most of all, I love all my friends. I feel all warm n fuzzy inside. Haiz what did i do to deserve all of u.

L: So how? What's your status now? It's complicated or wat?
S: Huh? How'd u know abt it??
L: U see that radar on top of my head?
S: No.
L: Yea it's so huge u cant even see it!

wtf

:)

2009-10-21T10:31:00.001+08:00

I over-think stuff. I dig too deep. I want to look far ahead. I complicate things.

That's just me.

I can't help it.

Happy Birthday to me.

2009-10-21T00:22:00.002+08:00

After 2 years. You would think things will get easier.

But life don't always go our way.

2009-10-19T18:14:00.002+08:00

I have been in the UK for over a month now. And everything has been good.
I have been sick for over 2 weeks now. And my cough doesn't seem to want to go away. Hence, it stays. Might be all the late nights, clubbings and drinkings. Hhmm.
I have been to Manchester, Leeds, York and London within the one month i was here. Not too bad for a newbie in the Great Britain.

Went to London last weekend. On impulse. Like seriously. Not like its anything new since i do almost everything on impulse and decide everything at the last minute (not necessarily a good thing). I decided to go only an hour before the train was going to leave at 1pm. I packed, showered m got my ass on the train within 1.5 hrs. Am i good or am i good.

I figured it would be a good birthday treat for myself since i wasn't going to organise or do anything on my birthday cuz i just cant be bothered like that -.- So i went and watch Avenue Q :) went shopping :) went for awesome dimsum :) and went for a birthday party of someone i didn;t even know. LOL. All in all it was a reli good trip. Although the Sunday was pretty much a blurr to me cuz i was a walking zombie and i didn't enjoy the shopping as much. Nonetheless, I got myself some new make up! My very first minerals! Ok not very first but i'm a mineral make-up noobie so it's still a big deal!

I'll certainly be going back to London. For my Hummingbird cupcakes and Selfridges. And of course the lovely people who are there.

Honestly, I should quit drinking before all my braincells witter and die. Or cough my lungs out. Whichever comes first.

2009-10-10T02:42:00.001+08:00

Finally.

After all this time...

Finally...

I HAVE INTERNET!!

Jetlag-ish

2009-09-14T15:01:00.002+08:00

Two days ago, I woke up at home. Yesterday, I woke up finding myself on a plane next to my new British friend Richard. Today, I woke up in the living room of a flat in Nottingham.

That didn't sound as nostalgic as I'm feeling now.

I'm so tired. Even after a good 8-hour sleep. I think maybe it's cuz my body is still accustomed to the timezone in Malaysia and it's thinking that I've slept and woke up at 2pm. That's why my body is aching like crazy.

I'm not liking the time difference. Haiz why am I so easily dependent on something.

2009-09-13T23:15:00.001+08:00

After 26 hours of travel, I'm finally in Nottingham.

How la?

2009-09-12T10:43:00.006+08:00

Wow I'm surprised that I'm updating so much more than usual.

So... In 4 hours time I will be out the door heading to the airport. Haiz why doesn't leaving get any easier.

I just had a haircut. Something I always do before jetting off somewhere. My luggage is packed and strapped which leaves just my laptop to be shut down and put into my handcarry.

Oddly this feels like a normal Saturday. I wake up, go for breakfast with my parents, come home, I come online for a bit and then ask them what shall we do for the day. Only today I didn't have to ask.

I'm nervous. Usually I feel excited for going on an adventure. But today, I feel nervous. And the only sense of comfort I have right now is knowing that I'll have someone that I know flying with me to London from Brunei and that same person will be living next to me in Broadgate Park.

I totally do not know what to expect. I have zilch idea of how London looks like other than the photos of monuments and landmarks we see in magazines and on TV. Prolly I should feel more excited about the fact that in my family, I'll be the first to set foot in the UK and possibly Europe. I'm one lucky girl.

Should I be happy that I will be going somewhere new, experiencing a whole different lifestyle? Or should I feel sad that once again I will be leaving behind those that are dear to me? Or should I worry about feeling torn between three places instead of two?

So what do you do when you can't decide how to feel about something?

You force a smile no matter how ridiculous it makes you look.

Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese

2009-09-12T00:46:00.005+08:00

I wana thank everyone for their kind words of encouragement and comfort. I know i can be an emotional bitch with or without emotions being involved. I'm slowly slowly feeling a little sad. I suppose it's only normal.

Thanks everyone for all the farewell parties, drinks, dinners, lunches, breakfast, supper, shopping, movies, games, clubbings, drunken nights, crazy silly nights etc etc wtf. It's certainly been the most interesting and eventful winter break/summer vac i've ever had despite the non-events.

Haiz i dunno why i keep contradicting myself.

But anyway. Thank you everyone. I hope it wont be a sobfest tomorrow. Cuz since i'm not feeling anything now, i'm sure it will all come in one blow at the departure gate tomorrow. Haiz now that i think of it i think i shud bring more tissue paper.

Ok lah i should go get some sleep otherwise cannot wake up n spend time with family.

She's his bubbletea and he's her paddlepop.

They are each others' tiramisu.

Haih. Why am I so cheesy.

I don't feel

2009-09-11T21:16:00.002+08:00

1. I'm numb. Numb towards the fact that I'm leaving in less than 24-hours. Numb towards the fact that my luggage is over-stuffed albeit it still weighing under the 30kg limit that I'm allowed to carry. Numb towards the fact that When I wake up Sunday morning, I'll be touching down in London. Numb towards the fact that I am once again leaving the people I love. Numb towards the fact that it will be another 5-6 months till I get to be with him again.

In conclusion, I'm numb.

2. I'm emotionless. I don't feel sad. Well, not yet at least. I'm sitting here among mountains of clothes and stuff I want to bring with me but can't. I stare at the four walls while my Spongebob balloon stares at me with a smile on his face as if mocking my inability to feel neither happy nor sad. I look at Miffy on my nightstand and I think of her other half that is hundreds of mile away from her in another continent. Even she looks sad. But why can't I feel?

I'm just..emotionless like that.

3. I'm blurr. Everything i see is a blurr. Literally. I can't see the clear boundaries of my wadrobe and my mirror. I couldn't see clearly my reflection in the mirror which was why I skipped putting any make up on before going out earlier today. I see the catastrophic mess that is my room and it gives me a sense of deja vu. Again and again I watch this scene unfold. Everytime, it's the same. Up till the point I can just close my eyes n go about doing it all.

I'm leaving tomorrow.

You would think it gets easier each time. But really it doesn't. If possible, it gets even harder.

Too more

2009-09-10T01:13:00.003+08:00

It's Wednesday. Well, technically it's Thursday since it's already past midnight.

Surprisingly i'm all packed up. Only 2 full days left at home. I'm not sure how i feel about it. I was looking at Google Earth with my parents earlier tonight and I feel very bad for leaving then again. It seems like i've been doing that a lot. Although it's normal, I still wish I could bring them with me everywhere i go, nagging n driving me insane put aside.

Two more days at work. Like i've said before, i'll miss the people but not the job. I'm going to risk sounding corny but it's definitely been a really good experience for me :)

This has been the best summer. Tho i'm stuck at work 8.5 hours a day, 5 days a week, it's been one of the greatest vacation i've had.

Spent quality time with family and friends. Finishing my 12-week vacation work. Went snorkelling. Had someone fly all the way here to visit me :)

I'm a very lucky girl.

Two days to go.

Non-sensical

2009-09-07T00:44:00.004+08:00

OH MY FREAKING GOSH.

My last weekend at home before leaving for the UK is over. OVER! T_T

Am i packed? NO.

Am i emotionally prepared? NO.

Physically? NO.

Do i wana go? NOT REALLY :S

I'm having so much fun at home that i totally forgot abt what it was i was looking forward to for months.

5 days to go. FIVE FREAKING DAYS!!

I realised, i've been super freaking sibeh beh tahan childish lately wtf.
Yes. I bought that balloon.
And a SPONGEBOB one.
T____T
It's so cute i wana cry.

This post is trully non-sensical.

it is yours..poetic sia

2009-09-03T00:06:00.004+08:00

for a very long time...

it is yours whose advice i heed before i make an important decision.

it is yours whose arms i seek comfort after a difficult day.

it is yours whose presence i seek shelter frm the hostile world.

it is yours whose smile that curve my lips into a smile.

it is yours whose words empower me and at the same time drive me insane.

it is yours whose company is like no other.

it is yours whose mind that never judge allow me to be free.

it is yours whose deeds take my breath away.

and it is yours whose voice i want to hear when i fall asleep at night.

it feels like i'm living a double life.

why do we have to make something so simple so complicated?

2009-08-30T18:25:00.001+08:00

i don't understand why people drink, seriously wtf

TGIFRIDAY!!!

2009-08-28T17:15:00.007+08:00

It's a public holiday on Monday so it's a three-day weekend! YAY!

I've waited for a long weekends like this for AGES! I officially have 2 weeks left at my attachment job and 2 weeks away from when i have to leave. And i havent started packing at all. Brilliant.

Today was quite a slow day at the office cuz i've pretty much done all i can do and know how to do and the rest is still a blurr to me and i dun wana kepoh go ask for more work so i just quietly sat at my desk listening to Friends [yes just listening] and reading MLIAs -___- seriously, i think they made a mistake hiring me.

BUT in my defence, i do do my job the best i could and the fastest i could.

I suddenly have a craving for thin crust pizza from Little Italy. For some reason, i keep refering to Little Italy as Ciao Italia -__- which obviously shows how i am so used to Perth. Ya i keep reminding everyone how much i miss Perth cuz my life here is damn sad.

Okay so it's not VERY sad. Just that working life makes everything else looks so appealing cuz when u're stuck at the office 8.5 hrs a day, 5 days a week, even 5 minutes sitting at a smelly coffee house seems heavenly.

Great. Now i have a craving for bubbletea. I sound like a pregnant woman T_T

Collage of pictures from Manukan Island trip:

2009-08-28T04:56:00.002+08:00

it's almost 5 am.

my eyelids are heavy but the insomniac within refuses to give in. fml.

it's friday again. time flows by like water in a river. pfft so poetic.

another day at work, another day closer to the day.

i wishes

2009-08-27T21:24:00.002+08:00

i wish i didn't have to decide.

i wish it cud be easy.

i wish it was black and white and not grey.

i wish i didn't have to decide.

past few weeks random thoughts have entered my mind. thoughts i cud not control. nor do i want to control. i wish things were much simpler. as in yes or no, pink or blue, love me or love me not. no maybes, no purples, no infatuations.

but i guess it's all part of growing up. being beaten down time and time again really makes you stronger. but being strong isn't necessarily a good thing cuz one can get too emotionally detached.

in less than 3 weeks, i will be embarking on yet, another adventure. UK here i come :)

I'm. Not. Happy.

2009-08-12T19:19:00.002+08:00

Seriously. I can't vent without the risk of souding utterly childish and ungrateful.

I just wana fly away. Far far away.

2009-07-27T01:23:00.001+08:00

the end of an end. a beginning that is an end. go figure. ill be back

2009-06-13T07:36:00.001+08:00

So this is what its like to wake up to the day that u know you're going to die.

It's been great guys.

Don't miss me too much.

So gonna fail AFPF.

EM = evil maniac.

D-day!

2009-06-09T15:40:00.002+08:00

ONE DOWN

THREE TO GO

MUG MUG MUG

Pun intended. Imma craving for hot chocolate.

nights that are days

2009-06-07T05:30:00.003+08:00

The Business School is like my 2nd home now. And i'm not even a business student. LOL.

I've been spending heaps of time studying at the postgrad n case study rooms that I only return to my room at ungodly hours to tiredly wash up n crawl to bed. If i'm lucky enough, I wont fall asleep while peeing before going to bed. Thankfully that hasn't happened yet. But one of these days...

I'm officially nocturnal. I find myself tired n sleepy at 10am n 8pm while very very VERY awake after 12am T___T I am so screwed for my morning paper on Tuesday.

I dreamed a dream.. A dream that i overslept n missed my exam wtf

13 days till im going home!

I'm half-heartedly excited.

Halfly excited that i'm going home.. tho i was just there 4 months ago
Halfly excited that i'm finally getting my vac work over and done with...
VERY excited about what's going to happen in September :)

But not at all excited about leaving Perth :(

Anyhooz...
I have 2 days after my exam to celebrate the end of yet another eventful semester and the same 2 days to feel sad about leaving for more than 6 months.

Anyone wana throw me a going away party? :P Jokes.

I really hope noone throws a surprise send off at the airport. It's cold enough in Perth without additional rainfall indoors.

2009-06-04T06:07:00.002+08:00

My bioclock is screwed for real this time.

I've been awake for 20 hours straight now.

I've been going home at 4 and sleeping at 5 am since Monday to wake up during lunchtime and repeat the cycle again.

The only different thing about tonight is that it's 0610am n i'm still awake. Physically exhausted but mentally wide awake.

Why can't my body and mind be more synchronised T___T

I am so screwed for my 9am exam on Tuesday :(

I think i feel my life is shortened by a couple more years.

2009-06-01T13:27:00.003+08:00

FINALLY! I am done with assignments!!! I am rejoycing cuz now I can spend day and night studying! [sense the sarcasm]

It's JUNE! I still can't get over how quickly this sem just went by! I had so much fun! New room, new neighbour, new friends! And in 19 days i'm going to hop my ass on an RBA plane back to KK where i will work my ass off summore :D

WINTER HOLIDAY!!

But first...

EXAMS!

9 13 16 17

Somehow i think it will be over in just a flash.

Im missing the spring in Perth.

2009-05-29T08:17:00.003+08:00

I've been MIA again for awhile. As usual uni's being a bitch throwing assignments and tests left right centre. And just when i thought i could take a little breather, it drops another time bomb on my lap - EXAMS, which are less than 2 weeks away.

Anyhooz. Life's being a bitch too cuz i'm down with the flu [common flu, not Swine, of course] now when i have 2 assignments due Monday. But I'll live.

I'm going home in less than a month! :)

Black & White Ball @ Metro

I'm pretty sure i met a lot of people there that night but dunno why balik-balik also the same people in my camera. Hahah.

It's the last day of uni!!

breathe in, breathe out

2009-05-14T20:14:00.003+08:00

OMGOMGOMG

I have never felt so pressed for time in my life! And its not even about exams! Wtf
People think that ive got my priorities all wrong. But they are all equally important to me! Wtf

Just cuz u cant see how important it is to me doesn't mean that it isnt important. Wtf
Can't you just wrap ur mind around the fact that i am doing this because i've always wanted this and now i'm given the opportunity there NO WAY i am going to give it up just like that. Wtf

RAWRRRRRRRR

BREATHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I can do this!

Omg. This is really happening. Man it is so overwhelming.

2009-05-14T01:03:00.001+08:00

Mission failed for today :(

Why am i so unmotivated?

Why am i so distracted?

I have goals. I have dreams.

I want to fulfill them but yet i still lack motivation :(

all things study

2009-05-13T08:12:00.005+08:00

My ELEC3320 Process Instrumentation & Control lecture notes.
I had it comb-binded early on in the semester when i was still so enthusiatic so that i wont forget subsequent set of notes when the lecturer starts a new topic etc.

I am so glad that EE is NOT my major. I am so glad i can go dance around college naked.

Those stuff are evil. So is the lecturer. T_T He's so slow and dry. No pun intended. He srsly puts me to slp. I can be wide awake and eager to learn at the beginning of the class and 10 mins into his lecture i am nodding off to tje words of ladder diagrams, relay switches and alarms switching on and off.

I'm a writer in class. I write as much as i can as fast as i could but i still cant catch some of what the lecturer said. :(

But no fear! One thing i love about UWA is how considerate they are about students who live far away and have tons of clashes on their timetables that they record lectures and post it online.

A life-saver.
To catch what i missed in class.

Of course, this is abused by lazy students (like me, unfortunately) who cuts class. But i'm going to fall asleep during class anyway, i might as well sleep in the comfort of my bed.

Plus, when i cant speed up the video recording multiple times and my lecturers sound like cartoons which makes it a lil more interesting and makes a boring 45-minute lecture a little shorter. And u can pause n rewind when u missed anything he said. Cool right :D

BUT BE WARNED. sometimes the lectures don't record. Then ure doomed. Or if u get too lazy n let lectures accumulate. Then by the end of the month, with 3 lectures a week and 4 weeks in a month. you have 12 HOURS of ilectures to go thru T_____________T

That's my goal today.

With my trusty Jodi Picoult book for intermissions...

The bottle of EOC pills that i never bothered taking.
Think my mum wants to hit me with a chicken already.
Bottom: A's post it note to motivate me n Y's green piggy to cheer me up. Hee.

...and my trusty iPod for when i get stressed out...

Don't worry. Be happy!

...and a set of goals to keep me motivated.

Target of the week.
Looks little but its actually A LOT.

12 ilectures! GO GO GO!

p.s.:

I bought this chic leather iPod casing online for just 99cents!
FREE SHIPPING!
:D

2009-05-13T01:18:00.003+08:00

Today they announced D-day.

No la not so tragic.

Myexamtimetableisoutexclamationmark

I can't believe that im almost halfway through my third year!
[Not an excited exclaim. More like a terrified one.]

I am three semesters away from being a qualified engineer o.o
So surreal.

How did time just pass me by?

Of lethargy and outdated photos

2009-05-11T07:46:00.004+08:00

I slept at 4am. All because of a f*king 2% assignment. And this morning, i woke up at 715am. I cant possibly continue living like this T____T But yet, i still will. Until the end of time that is the end of this semester.

I know i'm supposed to put in the amount of effort that is proportional to the amount of marks the assignment is worth. But u cant possibly expect me to give a 2% effort cuz that wud mean me spending 4 hrs on it n what did we get done in 4 hrs at MCL yesterday? NOTHING. I cudn't even beat my own high score in WordChallenge. wtf

Aiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I dunno why im so whiny the past couple of days :( Maybe my period is coming. Or that i'm just whiny like that.

But i long to feel at peace with myself and my mind. Im not crazy just mentally, emotionally and physically drained. Spiritually im still okay. Seeing that i've already lost 50% of my faith in humanity, id say im doing pretty good right now. Hehehe

Here are some pictures from the Swan Valley Trip a few weeks ago. They are quite out of date by now but i really have nothing else that is interesting to tell. Since my life has pretty much been about rushed assignments and demoralising tests. Hee. Not whining. Just stating facts. And because i cant be bothered to upload 5 pics at a time for the whole album, i'll just randomly select pics frm the trip.

I don't know why, everytime there's event/trip/gathering I always get caught on camera...

...with a glass of booze in my hand...

...or stuffing my face with food...

I wana say that people who took these pics have not done me justice but whatever. Don't judge me please T___T I don't drink all that much and I'm not eating ALL the time. Almost all the time but really, not ALL the time.

This is the view i had during our al fresco lunch. The weather that day was the best!

I felt absolutely at peace when i was there.

It was finally cool enough to wear boots.
Luckily i did cuz it was freeeeeeeeeezing that night.

A new found haven, thanks to Tim.
Overlooks Perth. Way better than King's Park.
It's quite a drive from the city but definitely worth it!
From here, the skyscrapers are only 1cm tall. That's how much distance u get.

Will be back with more interesting tellings. Promise! Now i have to go for my 9-5. Who says uni is boring.

Tim says i look 16 here.
I would do anything to be 16 again.
Although, now are the best years of my life.

a friday night

2009-05-09T21:55:00.004+08:00

Im such a useless person.

I spent my whole Saturday doing nothing but eating and sleeping. REALLY! I was supposed to get some studying done and me being me, nothing ever goes according to plan.

I woke up at 1130 to a blaring alarm only to feel irritated by it, slaping the alarm off and plomp back into bed falling asleep immediately. The next time i woke up was to a phone call at 12pm. Time for lunch T_T

It was a really sunny day today! So i decided to do laundry and hang them at the drying area outside my wing to dry instead of my usual drying rack taking up walking space in my room. All the more i think i should do my laundry in the day! Hang laundry while the sun shines!

Last night a bunch of us went for dinner at Kido's for a low profile celebratory dinner of me getting into Notts. But the service was utterly disappointing and the food came painfully slow. You know it's bad when i'm complaining of bad service at Kido's cuz i usually don't complaint about their service cuz being one of the waitresses there i know it can be really tough it is working there cuz we were always short handed and its a survival training working there! Often i wait tables ALONE on weekdays to a fully booked restaurant! Don't ask me why they dont hire more waitresses. Its a mystery waiting to be solved. (Actually its not so much a mystery. Everyone thinks that they r just too stingy to pay more worker to do nothing on slow week nights. So they rather risk killing the waitress they hv at hand rather than employing another)(I think i'm going to get fired cuz im giving them such a bad review!)(But fret not! I still think the food there is to die for.)

My friends were gracious enough to wait patiently telling me to calm down but i was running out of patience cuz i felt bad having my friends wait forever for food that we were supposed to cook ourselves on the table! Isn't that just ridiculous?! But the night ended well with everyone being fed and my boss being so apologetic. But i'm going to boycott them for awhile until my pissy self decides to forgive them. But i am still going to work on Tuesday nights. Cuz u know, i need the money.

Later that night i was too pissy to study so i decided to join my neighbour and roommate, Amery to Little Creatures for beers and chit chat.

Appologies for the blurry pics.
Had to settle for a phone cam.

Little Creatures is this popular hang out place in Fremantle, Perth that is a brewery, restaurant and bar in one place! Its a fusion-y place with al-fresco dining and drinking areas with table booths and proper dining areas inside. The place is huge and the environment was very pleasing. Despite it being a very cold and windy night, we decided to sit outside freezing out bones off. But surprisingly the girls didn't complain as much as the guys altho us girls were clad in shorts and skirts.

We arrived there at 1130 where a few of A's friend were already waiting. And the place closes at 12am. Mother of all sadness. It was too young a night to be heading home so we planned to adjurn elsewhere. But everything that has booze in Perth after 12 would require a valid ID to even get into the place and sadly, only 3 out of 8 people had valid IDs so bars, pubs and clubs were out of the question!

So where do we go and chill after 12 with no ID?!

Amery and I

FAST EDDYS!

Haha! We ended up chillaxing at Fast Eddys at 130am over bowls of wedges and cups of hot chocolate. All in all it was a fun night and i met new people! Appologies for the lack of pictures cuz i didn't have my camera with me.

low morale sia

2009-05-07T07:49:00.005+08:00

:( I still wana sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! But i know i'll regret it later.

:( Why are uni days so blueeeee. Even when the sun is shining bright

:( I seriously cant wait for this semester to end. It's been one hell of a ride. Too many tests. Too many assignments. Too many lab reports.

:( I wana go on a trip. I don't wana be cooped up in these four walls anymore.

I'm sick of assignments which is too tough for my puny intelligence.
I'm sick of lab reports that takes my pain-in-the-ass-perfectionist self forever to finish.
Im sick of recieving emails and annoucements from lecturers about new test/quiz/assignment when I couldn't even complete those at hand.
I'm sick of people asking me if i've finished/know how to do when then i know the answer to those questions makes me sound incompetent.
I'm sick of feeling un fitted into this course.
I'm sick of telling myself engineering is the way to go when i know deep inside that this is never going to be my forte.

Nevertheless, I am already here. Almost at the end of my 5th semester at uni. I've powered through three and a half years of turmoil. If I've done that, what's another one and a half.

p.s.: i don't know why i put the 'sia' in my title. pfft. who cares.

the lament of a procrastinator

2009-05-06T15:54:00.008+08:00

I am a goddess of procrastination.

It's 4pm on my only off day of the week and i have done only 1/3 of an iLecture while i was spending the rest of my day watching How I Met Your Mother and Gossip Girl eventhough i think that they r a waste of time T_T I've even painted my nails and made a collage that is now my desktop background. WHY OH WHY

The most productive thing i did today was maybe replying an email to Notts and ... thats it. Omg im such a waste of space.

I spend so much time doing things that doesn't really matter -____- Like it takes me forever to settle down to study after taking a shower. Let me show you why...

This is the top of my dresser.

Doesn't look so bad right? Got stuffed animal deco summore. Look a the cute baby Eeyore!!

Not the point.

These are the things I use DAILY.

It takes me a jiffy to shower but its the after part that takes so much time!

I come out, I dry myself, I rub on tons of hair mask n let it set in.

Then i proceed to put on my clothes.
Then i go n rinse my hair.
THEN, i towel dry my hair again. And dallop on hair cream.
THEN, i do my face.
THEN, i apply foor cream to my feet.
THEN, i apply body lotion all over.
THEN, i go wash my hand cuz of all the chemical buildup.
THEN, i take off my contact lenses.
THEN, i apply hand cream.

That's not the end.

THEN, i blow dry my hair.

By the time i finish all those, i don't feel like studying anymore.

Sigh. How how how?

But i must stress that i am NOT high-maintenance. Cost-wise. I buy everything on sale and i get a lot of free samples when buying them on sale so my supply hardly runs out.

Anyhooz.
Since im here, I shall share a few thousand words. Cuz u know how they say pictures are worth a thousand words. So i'll be posting pictures. So stop panicking already! (Yar as tho anyone bothers reading anyway)

This is what surrounds my study desk.
PICTURES!!! I love pictures <3

I printed all the pics with my trusty laser printer. Tho the quality is not even close to those glossy, developed ones, at least i can still make out which is who and i can see allllll my loves every day. But seeing the pics of those of you back home makes me homesick sometimes. Luckily its not often though cuz most of the time im busy pulling my hair out from the stress of tests, assignments and lab reports. And in a month's time - EXAMS! You gotta love uni. Seriously.. So if u see someone bald that resembles me when i go home in June, please leave me alone. Don't say hi. I will die of shame.

On the contrary, if you see a fat person that resembles me, please do say hi. Cuz i will be stubbling my way down every street in KK this June. Let me show you why...

This is what i have been fed with - FATS!

I recently found this awesome little place tucked away in Fremantle called Chocolateria San Churro. It's this little cafe selling all things CHOCOLATE! The most sinful cafe EVER.

And they have the best churros i have ever tasted. Though it is popularly served with melted pure chocolate -white, milk or dark, I personally prefer it with ice cream! Which is what i ordered - aside from the Berry Crumble, Big Fat Chocolate Cake (it really is called that) and more churros with chocolate sauce. Sinful? Damn right is it! But i cant get enough of it T_T I'm looking for a good samaritan to gimme a ride to Freo so get another taste of heaven.

Pretty please?

Anyone?

I didn't think so.

After stuffing our faces full of chocolate, (more like after I stuffed my face full of chocolate) (cuz the others took several bites and got sick of chocolate then i had to finish off everything. eh! cannot waste food leh!) (i dunno why i just put those is separate parentheses) (don't know why im still doing it. ok stop) (Ok i forgot what i was saying before all these parentheses fiasco.

ANYWAYS, we headed to the beach just in time for the sunset :) I had the best day. Especially after everything that had happened the past few weeks before that.

So i let my hair down and bask in the rays of the setting sun. I soak my feet in the ocean so cold, it made my heart race.

I couldn't possibly ask for more.

Doesn't this just scream serenity?

What can I say...
Camwhoring is still my forte.

I'm happy today

2009-05-06T08:04:00.005+08:00

Appologies for the long hiatus. Again. Gosh i have to be the worst blogger that every existed.

But anw! Uni's been really hectic. Assignments coming at me from left, right and centre, coming nonstop, one after another since the first week and its still not stopping! It's a little hard to believe that we're paying shitloads to be tortured like this T___________T

But i guess i shouldn't be complaining considering how lucky i am to actually be HERE.

I got home early from work last night. I expected it to be a busy night being the first night they open after coming back from their 1-mth vacation to Japan. But thankfully, it wasn't. Nobuko, my boss, had to go around finding work for me to do and because i do everything so quickly, after awhile she gave up n said "OK. Finish now." LOL And i got a $7.50 tip! Almost half of the $15 tip i got last time, but this is the 2nd highest! Really! Oh wait. I got a $20 tip from a customer once but my goody-two-shoes ass handed it in and it got split among 5 people. T_______T End up i only got 5 bucks that night. I cud use the 20 but dunno why i was so honest. I shud get an award for that. LOL. I guess i was just worried that karma would come n bite me on the ass. Cuz it hurts bad.

Anyhooz.
I came back weary and tired and stank from sukiyaki stench all over my skin and hair. (This explains why i will NEVER order sukiyaki at Kido's ever again unless someone else wants to T_T so sick of the smell) I sat down to eat my chicken teri supper while watching Grey's Anatomy thinking "Sigh. This is so dull. Work eat study sleep work eat study sleep." OK OK so thats not ALL i do. I do go for parties and events and occasionally shower and shit in the toilet. But Life in Perth has gotten so.....familiar. Its no longer an adventure here. I'm so at home here that i never really explored mch of Perth anymore.

But thats not the main point of this post. (Yes yes there is one)
I then proceeded to take a very cleansing shower. Lots of shampoo and conditioners, hair mask, loofahs and body scrubs and oh, not forgetting feet pumice. Followed by a 3-step facial regime, body lotion, foot cream, hand cream, hair cream and removing my contact lenses. After 40 mins of arm exercise, i sat down again at my laptop cuz that's where my life centers upon. Quite sad.

My life being sad is still not the point. Haha. I think people wana smack me already.

Anyhooz.
I realised that i havent checked my student mail since 11 in the morning so i decided to check it again. Cuz that's how sad ive become. At the homepage, i see "Inbox (1)". Sigh. See. Even uni also dowan to send email to me.

There it sat in my inbox. My heart raced. I silently thought, "OMG this is it". And it really was. The news i have been waiting for for weeks have finally arrived. The news i spent long days and sleepless nights waiting for (OK not really la) And at last. It has come to me.

So the main point of this post is...

I'll be getting more than just a pencil this time...

Cuz I got into UNotts. :)

With hands filled with sunrays,
I will walk with my head up high.

2009-04-22T13:35:00.001+08:00

I dunno why hor... I keep procrastinating T_T

I woke up at 7 for breakfast and continued with Q5 of my assignment.

I just had lunch n painted my nails and im still on Q5 of my assignment. How ah?!?!

2009-04-22T11:44:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was a good day. Nothing spectacular happened. But still, it was a good day. A day that i felt contented and appreciate the many blessings i have in life. Hee

Half a semester has passed. It continues to amaze me how roller-coaster-ish every sem is for me here in Trinity. But nonetheless i love it here. It's never boring but sometimes things happen that is not good for the soul. Then good things happen and your soul is rejoyced.

Not sure if im getting anywhere with this but hell cares! Cuz i was happy yesterday.

And today im rushing an assignment. T________T
*Falls to reality with a thud*

Not definitely. Maybe.

2009-04-20T07:52:00.003+08:00

I keep denying it.

But it doesnt stop being true.

The wind always changes its course just as I realise it.
And I always realise it just when the wind changed its course.

Perhaps it is just as well.

Perhaps

Like those petals of roses,
the pieces of us.

(wtf so emo)

2009-04-18T01:15:00.002+08:00

Just when u think someone really has changed, reality comes n bite you really hard on the behind.

Why do girls never learn?

2009-04-16T15:36:00.003+08:00

There's a thin line between love and hate. Right and wrong. Friend and enemy.

Fiddling with that line is like fiddling with life and death.

Ok maybe not that serious la. But still.

It makes u rethink ur faith in humanity.
It makes u wonder how some people can do things without conscience.
It makes u wonder if karma really exists.

I believe in karma. I believe that everything revolves in a circle. I believe that at the end of the day, everything comes back to you.

My skeptical friend doesn't believe in karma. Because some people so bad things n get away with it. But if u look closely, if ure observant enough, you will see. People do get their just desserts.

I woke up this morning to the sound of ravens and the smell of eucalyptus. The two senses were sufficient to send my heart racing.

So today, I am still me.

2009-02-24T02:29:00.003+09:00

Apologies for the long hiatus.

Semester 1 has begun.

Goodbye summer vacation, Hello crappy timetable.

Maybe if i could see myself thru you,
I would be able to understand.

Nostalgia

2009-02-09T09:06:00.002+09:00

I am back in Perth.

It feels refreshing and sad at the same time. I love the trees, the neighbourhood and the eucalyptus trees. The sound of ravens, so nostalgic it brings me back to the morning I first arrived in Perth 2 years ago.

How times flies from right under me is actually pretty scary. Ive done so much but yet it seems so little.

It feels like a dream.

2009-02-06T23:58:00.002+09:00

I got myself a rubber keyboard. Thought it might come in handy cuz its flexible n eaasy to store n cute. Atm it's just annoying cuz cannot type properly wan...... Cis.

I'm all packed upppp! All ready to board my plane back to the land down under.

Thank you everyone for making my summer holiday such an awesome one. Every year it just gets better. I love you guys.

Goodbye KK. Till we meet again... In 4 months. Maybe 9. Maybe 12.

2009-02-05T23:09:00.002+09:00

I found RM30 boots!!

But i didn't buy. Cuz i'm kiamsiap. And i already have 5 pairs. And my luggage ran out of space. I'm halfway done packing the things i wana bring n my luggage is already filled to the brim T_T How ah?

2009-02-05T04:36:00.002+09:00

When the darkness turns to light, it ends tonight.

I hope I made the right decision....

Actually, I know i did.

2 more days to Perth.
Though there is much to look forward to, it feels like im leaving so much behind.

2009-02-03T02:57:00.002+09:00

knnccbwtfbbq

Why must i be in this shithole a situation?

Why must i always bring myself into this position?

Why can't i just not give a damn n just think of myself?

Why can't everything just be simple, nice n dandy?

Why have to be so complicated?

WHY!! T_T

Post CNY Post CNY Post

2009-02-02T15:49:00.004+09:00

Tell me why. Why everytime i say i go clubbing everyone must think that i will be suffering a hangover the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that. Stupidddd!

***

CNY has come n gone so it's time to get down to business.

The business of packing my humongous luggage. T_T Did i ever tell anyone how i HATE packing luggages n how there is never enough space? T_T

This summer holiday has been a super duper awesome one :) Especialy the past couple of weeks. Meeting friends, spending time wit family, having fun, getting sick.

Remember when i said that i think it will be harder for me to leave this time? The feeling has only intensified. Despite what i tell people, i really wish i cud stay a little longer.

But oh well. Life's gotta go on. N i've gotta move on.

My room is a warzone as a result of my constant changing my mind abt what i want n dont want to bring back n what will take up too much space n what i can just be less stupid n not bring with me. At this rate, (like every other time) i am trying very hard not to pack my whole room. I am 0.2468mm close to stuffing my mattress into my luggage. wtf.

Anyhoooz.

CNY was awesome. Great people, great food, great fun n damn loud firecrackers. N stupid people with ultra sensitive alarms in their houses which went on all night T_T noisy wei.

My total angpao collection have shrunk tremendously T_T so i didn't have much money to spend post CNY. Which means i dun have much new clothes to wear this time around. Wuwuwu. Damn sad.

I know i'm very vain. But almost every girl is.

I've just gotten used to the existence of fake eyelashes. I know i'm sooooo outdated cuz its been around for ages already. But aiya, sue me la. It took me 30 mins to stick it properly the first time ever T_T and it came off after blinking 3 times T_T so i gave up n threw it away. So after 3250 attempts, i'm getting closer to being good at it :D I can now have bigger looking eyes in addition to my already goldfish looking eyes. *smiles proudly*

I wana upload pictures... But i cbb do it 5 at a time. Maybe later.

2009-01-27T02:09:00.003+09:00

HAPPY CHINESE 'NIU' YEAR!!

I'm putting the 'niu' word there coz everyone is doing it. Cuz i'm kiasu like that. No not really.

The narcissist in me says that I'll be back soon :)

In the meantime, have fun!

(Ignore my messy room)

3 sad things

2009-01-23T02:29:00.005+09:00

1. Why every summer Australia must got bush-fire wan. Spreading so violently summore. :/

2.

My iPod is not responding. T_T Never happened before and i hope this will not be a regular occurence. It will be more depressing than having gained 2 kgs in 2 days.

3. I'm so freaking obsessed with my weight nowadays i don't know why. I've been gymming everyday and the arrow on the scale just wont budge T_T I've been eating significantly less also lor. wtf

Two more weeks till i go back to Perth. The thought of it adds weight to my heart. Each day it weighs a little more. No wonder i gain weight so fast lar! I look forward to going back to Perth to start a new semester, a new year, a new mission with a new vision uiseh. But i'm not looking forward to leaving home and everyone here. Somehow it seems much harder this time around.

Dunno cuz im emo or because i'm leaving much more behind this time.

Hhmm. I think that makes 4 sad things.

I see why people like to take pictures from this angle.
It does make ur face look slimmer.
Too bad mine turned out so cacated.

2009-01-21T00:20:00.001+09:00

I gained 2kgs in 2 days.

How is that humane-ly possible?!

2009-01-19T13:17:00.002+09:00

MAC is so expensive.

Bobbi Brown is so expensive.

Clinique also so expensive.

Wth was i thinking? T.T

No Title

2009-01-19T00:18:00.005+09:00

My laptop is acting weird. Sometimes i think it's alive. It reboots itself without warning, it disconnects my msn without my permission and it decides which msgs go thru n which do not. T.T And it thinks that single clicks are double clicks. T.T Wana minimise a window also cannot. T.T

Anyone wana donate me a new one?

Pretty please?

I guess not.

In 4 days its goodbye again. At times like these you just wana grab on to time and hope that it stands still. Sometimes you fool youself into thinking that u've succeeded and whilst rejoicing on that thought time slowly creeps away again. And all that u held onto was just a mere moment of joy. And what's left are memories which will be kept nestled deep in your heart and soul that it becomes a part of you. So even when you don't remember, you never forget.

That was just speaking about Sandakan. I haven't spoken about leaving the country altogether YET. That would be a whole emo me for another emo night. Very very soon.

And so, i have to start packing. I have to pack my luggages so often that i prolly might as well just live out of a luggage. T.T

Summer holiday is ending...

Of utmost importance

2009-01-18T00:58:00.002+09:00

2 things:

i need to lose some serious weight before cny comes and reaching the point of no return.
i need to get my life back on track.
i need to make more friends.
and start trusting the right people.

Life's full of shit. And yes i realise there are 4 items in the above list. Whocares. I don't.

I. Am. Unhappy.

1. I have never given anyone any reason to not trust me. As far as my conscience is concerned, any secret is safe with me. So for someone to imply that i am NOT trustworthy can freaking throw themselves off the cliff cuz they really have issues. WTF.

Some people REALLY have issues.

It's so hard to live in this world trying to please everyone n trying not to step on any toes. WTF.

2. I am lacking such self-discipline this summer. Last summer i came home with a mission to lose all the weight i gained when i was studying abroad. I did and i did it well. So well that i went way past my target weight when i returned to Perth last February that J's car wasn't as near to the ground when I sat in it.

And of course i gained it all back again.

So when summer in 2008 started, i boarded a similar mission. Obviously mission failed la. Wtf. I'm gaining weight like crazy cuz i'm eating like crazy and i'm NOT exercising like crazy. In fact, I'm not even exercising much. I'm sleeping at ungodly hours doing stupid things like watching Brothers&Sisters and painting my toenails. T.T This is starting to sound like one of those sad people on Oprah. sigh

Oh. And to pile on the joy, CNY is on its way and everyone knows what that means. Yep. More food. Yupedidoooooo. Yay me.

3. I've been doing a great deal of thinking. Spoken to my parents and some of my dad's friends and they've really given me really good advice. And it really got my wheels spinning.

The past two years i have been a little strayed. Don't worry, i was a good student and still am but i was a little too laid back, in a way, i suppose. The past four years, everything's just fallen into place like it was meant to be like sunrise sunset sun explodes and we go bye-bye.

I've just always taken the conventional way doing a conventional course in a conventional country living a conventional life and it works like a clock. It was like this pre-written set of rules that was programmed into me that i just did what i had to do. Or thought i had to do.

Not sure if any of that made any sense. I'm still burried under this pile of confussion. But i'll get unburried i guess.

Everything which seemed so easy is so hard now.
Everything which seemed so simple before is mucho mucho complicated.
Eberything that used to make sense to me is now super screwed up and there's nothing i can do to change that.

*sigh
How will i ever survive.

4. Why is it so hard to live in this world?

5. I need to stop eating so much. It's going to be so so hard. But i can do it!

So as of today (well tonight) I am a girl on a mission. A mission to make all thats in the list come true.

So everyone, wish me luck. :) Already i'm in a better mood.

Sorry for the long, wordy post.